Thoughts on Dragon Age:Inquisition from someone who probably won’t finish it

So here’s the deal. It pains me to make this admission. I love BioWare games, and I am something of a completionist. I have played some pretty terrible games in the name of completionism. Hell, I played all of Lightning Returns in the name of completionism. However, I’m probably not going to finish playing Dragon Age: Inquisition.

I tried! Believe me, I tried. I tried to the tune of playing 20 hours, then starting over and playing another 15 hours… and I just can’t. Seriously, folks, Dragon Age: Inquisition is the worst PC port of a console game that I have ever played, and I’ve been playing both PC and console games for a long time. The UI is just insanely bad, inventory management is punishing, and combat is about as exciting as waiting in line[1].

So even though I make a point of trying not to write about games until I have completed them (or mostly completed, in the case of Lightning Returns), I’m going to call it and write about my impressions of DA:I.

Spoiler warning, obviously, but only if you think shit no more than 20 hours in even counts.

Stuff that is bullshit

Because I like to end on a positive note, let’s start with stuff that I didn’t like. Which can be mostly summarized as “Vivienne”.

First, while I appreciate that BioWare’s developers were trying to make a character who is beautiful, empowered, and romantically appealing while also being a black woman – they really, really dropped the ball on Vivienne’s character design:

viv

God dammit, BioWare. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. This is literally one of the worst pairs of breasts I have ever seen in video games. Everything has texture in your graphics engine except for the weirdly lustrous plastic of Vivienne’s breasts, which are perfectly spherical and somehow never fall out of that dress, despite that all of the garment tape in the world would not prevent at least some areola peeking out.

Dammit, even Samara had breasts that were less bullshit than Vivienne’s, and that was previously one of the high (low?) bars of awful BioWare boob design.

The thing that sucks most is that Vivienne’s promo art was gloriously free of bullshit boob window:

Vivienne_inquisition_promotional

Why couldn’t we have had that Vivienne? I’ll take a tiny bit of stomach over a boob window big enough to fit a corgi through any day.

So anything positive the BioWare devs might have been trying to do flew right out the damn window, because every time I returned to base to talk to Vivienne, all I could focus on were her bizarrely artificial breasts. Instead of portraying a black woman who is complex and intelligent and attractive, Vivienne winds up as just another objectified black lady. (Literally. Because she is an object. You will never convince me those breasts are real.)

Second, Vivienne also had me throwing major amounts of side-eye at BioWare’s writers.

(It’s important for me sidetrack a moment here to note that I was playing as a Dalish Elf mage. Elf, because why would you play as anything but an elf if “elf” is an option? And mage, since – what with all of the demon-possession shenanigans that go along with magery in the DA setting – mages are automatically the most interesting character type. (Warriors don’t have to worry about accidentally turning into demons whenever they hit people, after all.) With all of the Dragon Age games, the writing is just more interesting if you’re playing a mage, because all of a sudden all sorts of shit gets really personal.

…anyway, back to Vivienne.)

So at the outset of DA:I, the mages – who had previously allowed themselves to be kept in golden cages and basically enslaved – have gotten tired of that shit and have had themselves a nice little rebellion because freedom! Yeah! And then you meet Vivienne, who immediately starts lamenting about how isn’t it a shame that the old system has broken down. You know, that system that incarcerated mages “for the public good” and effectively had no real checks against abuses by those in power who were supposed to look after the well-being of those supposedly “in their care”.

And according to Vivienne, this really is just the worst! Because now those stupid mages are going to run around, letting their magery hang out everywhere, and they’ll go drunk with power and let themselves get possessed by demons so they can go on blood-magic fueled murder rampages. Right? Of course. Because that’s what you do when you don’t have a bunch of murderous, mage-hating fuckheads in full-plate hanging over your every goddamn move. Way to go, you stupid freedom-wanting mages! There go our property values.

…yeah. Holy internalized oppression, Batman. That is some Bill Cosby-level respectability politics.

Naturally, as a mage myself, I tried to challenge her on the… uh… problematic implications of her view that the Circle needed to be reformed and all those pesky mages locked down right away. At which point Vivienne started accusing me of being “just as bad” because everyone knows that the Dalish are child-murderers!

Which. What? No. Just. No. Please, Vivienne. Just go die in a fire, or something. Okay? Okay. Great. (Also, BioWare character designers? Go to your room and don’t come out until you’ve thought about what you’ve done.)

Stuff that I hated but wasn’t bullshit

There was another character that I also hated, but it felt a bit unfair to lump him in with Vivienne because I kind of felt like I was supposed to hate him: Solas.

solas

In addition to looking like a constipated egg with pointy ears, Solas had the most terminal case of mansplaining I have ever encountered in a BioWare game. (And let me tell you, there have been some serious contenders over the years! Like Anders “let me mansplain your magic to you, Merill” in Dragon Age 2, or The Illusive Man and his serious love of “deeply” cynical Ayn Randian monologues in Mass Effect 2 and 3.)

First, let’s talk about how the way to win Solas’ approval is to listen to him talk about his magical research, which is about as exciting as watching paint peel. I went into my first playthrough thinking I would romance him, despite the whole constipated egg thing, because we were both outcasts! And elves! And mages! We had so much in common! Except it’s hard to have a relationship with someone whose idea of romance is “listen to me talk about how amazing I am, and then maybe you can tell me that I am amazing if you want”.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he started trashing the Dalish as know-nothing posers. And when I broke in with, “uh, standing right here. Still Dalish”, he doubled down by elfsplaining my own fictional culture to me. At which point I said, “fuck you, I’m going to go romance Cullen, the relentlessly hetero Teutonic guy, because literally anyone would be better than you”, and restarted my game since I’d already passed on my chance earlier.

And yet, even after all that, I still feel that Solas is a feather in the cap of the BioWare writers, because I just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was wearing an invisible fedora whenever he opened his mouth. I’m sure when I’m not playing that he tries to talk to Vivienne about ethics in magery.

Stuff that I loved!

Dorian

Let’s start with Dorian, who is fucking amazing. Can we just take a moment to appreciate how amazing he is?

dorian

Oh, Dorian. I hate mustaches, but I could never bring myself to hate you. I mean, look at you pulling it off with that mustache and fabulous hair and the inexplicably-one-sleeved robe you’re rocking there, you glorious zero-fucks-giving bastard.

I would have romanced Dorian in a heartbeat if he weren’t completely and irrevocably gay. Which, you know what? Cool. Because that whole “I’m gay, except for you because you don’t count because we’re soouuullllmates” trope that you see in a lot of games and other media always struck me as kind of creepy anyway.

Even better? If you don’t try to romance Dorian or Iron Bull (who is also a romance option for female protagonists), the two of them actually hook up partway through the story! And I’m actually sad that I didn’t get that far, because dammit that is just awesome.

Krem

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Krem, who is second-in-command of the Chargers – Iron Bull’s mercenary company – and also trans.

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Krem met up with Iron Bull pre-transition when Iron Bull saved his life, and it’s never treated as a big deal. And later in the game (alas, again I did not get that far), Krem tells the story of his transition, and it’s allowed to just be a thing that happens. In other words, Krem is just a normal (for Dragon Age values of normal) mercenary who happens to be trans, and is out and accepted. And it’s kind of horrible to realize this, but I think this might be the first time I’ve ever encountered an out trans normal-ass character in a video game – so good on BioWare for thinking to make a character like Krem.

My oooonly quibble is that he is voiced by Jennifer Hale – a cis woman. And yes, I do appreciate just how amazing Jennifer Hale is. (FemShep 5evvvvaaaaaa!) However, there’s a lot of amazing talent out there and it would have been nice to see such an important trans role go to someone who is actually trans. Jennifer Hale being who she is, she totally killed it! It just feels like a missed opportunity.

Cassandra

Cassandra is interesting, because she was part of the story framing device in Dragon Age 2, but actually returns for Dragon Age: Inquisition as a playable character.

Cassandralarge

I didn’t expect to like her as much as I did! She’s rigidly inflexible and a total hardass – which combined with the whole “religious zealot” angle made me think I was going to wind up totally hating her. But she also gives the fewest fucks of anyone in the party, except perhaps Dorian[3]. And even better, she makes no apologies for being completely and totally awesome.

Since I was playing a female character, Cassandra wasn’t a romance option – although I flirted with her anyway – mostly because flirting with Cassandra consisted of telling her “you know you’re amazing, right?” and her getting annoyed and asserting that it was all just her job or that someone had to do it or somesuch.

I also greatly appreciated that Cassandra is not conventionally attractive. She’s scarred, and dirty, and her jawline is decidedly masculine. And yet, if she had been a romance option, I would consoled myself about my inability to romance Dorian by romancing her instead. And given that Cassandra is both a party member and a member of the ruling council of the Inquisition, she’s definitely written as one of the strongest romance contenders – which is pretty cool.

Last: CANONICAL MISANDRY

The last thing I loved about Dragon Age: Inquisition isn’t so much a character as a writing/design decision by the BioWare team.

At the beginning of the game when the Inquisition is formed, a ruling committee is formed consisting of the protagonist, Cassandra, Leliana, Kirkwall’s former Templar Knight-Commander Cullen, and a new diplomat character – Josephine. Which means if you’re playing a female protagonist, your ruling committee looks a little something like this:

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SWEET SWEET MISANDRY.

Best of all, Cullen doesn’t crack any jokes about the level of estrogen, or about periods, or about that time of the month. He just accepts that the best people to fill these jobs happen to be women and moves on with his life. Ruling council of mostly women? Whatevs. That’s just how it is.

And predictably, some dudes think this is just the worst thing ever, which makes me love it even more. My Male Tears mug was starting to get a little empty.

[1] To be fair, that’s a sport here. Canadians call it “queuing”, but I haven’t assimilated enough to find it amusing yet[2].

[2] It’s been nearly 9 years since I moved to Canada and I’m still not tired of expat jokes.

[3] And now I want someone to draw fanart of Cassandra and Dorian arguing about who has the fewest fucks

18 thoughts on “Thoughts on Dragon Age:Inquisition from someone who probably won’t finish it

  1. I had a similar reaction to Vivienne’s… er, opinions about the circle as well. But I dont necessarily see it as a major determent to her character. I mean, there has to be some people within the Circle that are totally cool with the status quo and it seemed pretty ballsy of Bioware to throw that person in as a main party member. I did actually really start warming up to her later, and my inquisitor and her ending up having a mutual respect for eachother even though they disagreed about the circle (Qunari mage represent!). Though, it was questionable to have the only PoC party member to be the spokesperson for a system of organized oppression of a minority group, even if that minority happens to be able to throw fireballs.

    Solas I also really liked, mainly because of his really interesting views on demons and spirits and just how in touch with the fade he’s is. Of course, the rallying against the Dalish was really weird, but it all ties into Solas’ identity, which doesn’t get completely resolved until the end of the game, though they drop hints all over the place about him (his dislike of the Dalish being one of them).

    I agree the pc menu UI is pretty gross, but hopefully that will get improved with mods or even an update. And I actually really liked the combat but I was playing on hard/nightmare so I was always on my toes.

  2. Oh Anna, I’m so sad you won’t be able to play this game through. I am playing in on my XBOX1 and it has been a complete joy and delight. I’m in my 4th playthrough (did I mention I have no life)? I think bioware did an amazing job of including characters of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds. I loved that Krem was voiced by Jennifer Hale (it would be nice to have a trans male voice if that was an option) but Jennifer I think was a really good choice.

    I love Dorian and unlike you I love Solas too. I find him a bit snooty, but his intelligence is super sexy. I wish to god my human female mage could romance him😦

    I ended up rolling a Dalish elf mage as well (mine was male) and I romanced Cassandra – it was probably one of the most satisfying romances I have ever had in a Bioware game…it’s so worth playing just to get through this!! Cassandra is absolutely beautiful and she has a very soft, romantic side, so my elf mage totally fell head over heels for her. (spoiler, they even talk about how much they love each other <3)

    I don't care for Vivienne's character very much, she seems a bit hollow at the core, but I love that this games has so many varied personality types. You're not going to like everyone, and not every person's intentions will be pure. Also, her costume with the ginormous boob window seems very much to FIT her. I'm not a fan of boob windows at all, but I can completely seeing her wearing it if anyone. From what I remember during my armor crafting for her, the vast majority of crafted armor is flashy, but practical.

    Anyways, I hope if you ever console, you might consider going back to this game.

    • I’ll probably come back to it in a year or two after modders have had a real crack at improving the UI? It made a huge difference with Skyrim, so maybe that will make it playable.

  3. Even better, there’s a point in the game where another person joins the war council; also a woman.

    A couple of companions also crack some jokes that the only purpose Cullen really serves on the council is to ‘look pretty.’ Such misandry! 😛

  4. I’ve been dragging (dragon?) my way through DA:I, and yikes… what a slog! This game feels like a single player MMO, with respawning nameless mobs, a gathering mechanic that is both tedious AND required, and collection quests that are completely pointless. It’s the Fruit Loops of video games: pretty colors, lots of content, no substance.

    And don’t even get me started on the sloppy, imprecise and awkward jumping ability in this game. Hop slide. Hop slide. Hop slide. ARGH!

  5. likeawreckingball is right about one thing. The female models in this game don’t have enough muscle and fat on them. Also, all of them are attractive, when will I finaly get an oportunity to get some ugly women to join my party?

  6. My interactions with Solas tend to boil down to:
    “Hey Solas, tell me about your magical adventures in the Fade”

    I think his magical adventures in the Fade are pretty interesting, so I keep asking questions, but he seems to keep his mouth shut if you don’t keep prompting him.

    If this is mansplaining, then I don’t understand what mansplaining is.

    • It just really feels like mansplaining when you’re playing a female elf mage who is trying to get his attention romantically and ALL HE WANTS TO DO is tell you about his magical studies and how NOBODY GETS IT BUT HIM.

  7. I admittedly have not played the game, so keep that in mind. But if the reason for the people on the council is “they were the best ones for the job” — how is it misandrist if they are all (all except one?) female?

    Wouldn’t misandry be when they put less qualified females on the council over more qualified males because of their sex?

  8. Why does that guy think swords weigh 60lbs, anyways? I know dragon age swords are bigger than real life but a Earth claymore sword weighed all of 6lbs. Hardly unrealistic for a “mere woman” to swing that around.

    • I don’t think any woman (or man) could actually swing that thing for five minutes without rest.

    • Actually the mass given was 60kg, which is 132 lbs, which is what I weigh. A while person. A really really huge sword might have a mass of 20kg. The weight of the imaginary sword – and me- is 600N and a real sword might weigh 50N. SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THE LINKED POST.

      • Actually a real “huge” sword wouldn’t have a mass superior to 10 lbs. Even big ceremonial two-handers were approximately 9 lbs, while practical ones would be 5-6 lbs max.
        A 60 kg sword would be a cumbersome behemoth, but it’d a cool (I suppose?) one to wield, though no human could do it with any sort of practicality. Contrary to a lot of (uninformed) perceptions, the “longsword” is actually one of the easiest weapon to wield, easier than most swords actually.
        But then again, there is nothing like the combination of male tears, misogyny and non-knowledgeable opinions in order to spout nonsense.
        Dr. Hildern once again: “Too many people have opinions on things they know nothing about. And the more ignorant they are, the more opinions they have.”

        • [Mod voice: Guys, I appreciate that you’re getting your nerd on, but this is mega-derailing. Further comments along this line will be deleted. Thanks.]

  9. As people have mentioned above, Solas’ dislike of the Dalish is tied into his backstory, which [spoilers…

    … now] is because he’s the Dread Wolf Fen’Harel (probably). So he dislikes the Dalish because he sees them as mis-appropriating his culture, i.e. that of the Elvhenan-era elves. Also they turned him into a villain. Which he’s not super-fond of.

    You don’t get this backstory until literally the last scene of the game, but it does shed a bit of a different light on the actions of his character.

    (Feel free to leave this comment un-approved, if you’re worried about other people getting spoiled. But I thought it was worth mentioning because I think BioWare is trying to use Solas, and Vivienne for that matter, to make interesting points about intersectional complexity.)

  10. I never really liked Vivienne, but I always found my bigger problem to be Sera. I was excited for a female exclusive love interest. I had plans to romance her, but I didn’t because I watched by friend play first. I found her personality grating and insulting, especially her views of other elves. I love the fact that I’m allowed to play a female character romancing other female characters, but to have Sera as the first exclusively homosexual female? Not thank you. The worst part for me was the fact that if you’re Dalish, she forces you to give up your religion or she’ll break up with you.

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