>Okay, so I know I’m about two weeks late with this. Since I’m including stuff from previous years’ Valentine’s Days, I’ll call this a retrospective and pretend that I meant to be late. (Actually, I didn’t start looking for most of this stuff until after I stumbled across a truly awful Valentine’s Day feature on the FilePlanet FileBlog. That got me looking for other examples of gamer Valentines and Valentine’s Day features on major gaming sites.)
What I found was a pretty mixed bag. There’s a lot of genuinely funny stuff out there to be found. Then again, there’s some pretty tasteless stuff too.
First up we have some Street Fighter valentines. These were done as a promo for last year’s release of Street IV and were posted along with a trailer of Cammy, Juri, and Chun Li. And while the trailer is exactly what you’d expect for a promo trailer featuring fighting game women (SO MANY PANTY SHOTS), the valentines are actually pretty good:
Valve got in on the act as well with a few different Valentine’s themed promos for Portal 2. In particular, I loved the video that they produced as a message from Aperture Laboratories with Valetine’s day “tips” like “women love diamonds for their wide variety of industrial applications. It was humorous and did a pretty good job of turning a few stereotypes on their head, albeit in bizarre fashion.
They also released a few more traditional valentines like these:
I also stumbled across this gem by the producers of The Misadventures of P. B. Winterbottom:
Some other gems I found that aren’t gender/sexism related are:
* some Left4Dead valentines by the hugely talented Alexandria Neonakis (aka Beavotron).
* gamer valentines on IGN, including one by a horny Elcor (if you play Mass Effect it’s hilarious, trust me)
* these NES valentines
They’re worth checking out for a few chuckles at least.
This is going back quite a while… Lion’s Head, the studio behind the Fable series put out this Valentine in 2007:
Richard Mitchell, the author of the feature that ran this valentine on Joystiq, ended the piece by saying:
We’re sure she has a great personality. Hopefully, this has nothing to do with the secret Fable 2 feature that Peter Molyneux will reveal at GDC.
Even more depressing are the comments left on the Joystiq feature:
Ew. Just ew. I wouldn’t touch that chick with a 110 ft. pole.
Hard nipples…going to give me nightmares!
I’d hit it.
Yea, with a baseball bat
That’s about what I expected. Still… yuck.
Then there’s this valentine of questionable taste from Kotaku:
Anyway, the feature ended with: “Now who’s going to make a Destructoid card for Steak and BJ Day?”
…charming, guys. Real charming. So nice of you to “throw us women a bone” every once in a while. Now do you think you could refrain from practically in the same breath demanding that us women give you blow jobs? Christ.
The pathetic: FilePlanet’s FileBlog
Surprisingly, Kotaku and Destructoid put in pretty half-hearted attempts to offend this year. But have no fear – FilePlanet has come to the rescue! Apparently this year is the third year that they have posted a selection of nude mods for Valentine’s Day in a charming feature they call Valentine’s Nudity.
Because really, what better way is there to celebrate Valentine’s Day than by hacking video games to remove the clothes of video game women? That’ll show those uppity bitches. How dare they have “empowerment” and “character arcs”. Fuck character arcs – tits or gtfo, bitches!
No males? All female. That’s refreshing.
Where did i stick my vaseline?
AVG Detected a virus in a file needed for the Mass Effect 2 nude skin to work. Oh well the miranda nude mod is better anyway
I liek wen day showda boobays
Wow… might consider making a lesbein sim just to take advantage of this…
So yet another example of how a subset of male gamers are determined to systematically dis-empower any female character who might have some degree of strength or agency. What kind of sick entitlement causes this sort of shit, anyway? Why can’t they just do what normal people do and go find porn on the internet? God knows there’s enough free porn out there that going to this much effort shouldn’t be appealing.
So I guess thanks go to FilePlanet for making even Kotaku and Destructoid seem appealing. Then again, I guess they’ll be needing the nude mods since some of those guys probably couldn’t NOT offend a woman if their lives depended on it.